The question elicits the answer

What’s worth the prize is worth the fight. But what happens when the price is just too high to pay? She angrily utters, delete my number as the last strokes of his less than adequate comb go through her semi natural hair. A night of intense pleasure culminating in a feud ignited by shoddy planning. It wasn't supposed to be like that. Oh really, how was it supposed to go? Smooth? Without incident? For how long and at what expense?

Flash back to last night. She came over, dripping lusciously you couldn't help yourself. She walks ever so elegantly, strutting and oozing confidence. The temperature regulator within has no answer, a gusty rise briskly sweeping all common sense down to only one organ which overwhelmed by the experience refuses to remain aloof. Peace be with all who at this point think the man is ready and willing to partake of all that is sinful. For these are the men of valor never mind we no longer live in the garden of uttermost sound judgment. Late into the night parties match tip for deep, exploring anatomies deeper than  a med. school practical. With no care in the world, the here and now, up and down left to right sweat sopping, hearts pounding. Need I say more?

Back to the present. What happened? Why Him? Why her? Why then? If no her then who? The questions molest the mind. Who better to answer than the man? They call him the head of the home, so how come he has no answers? An error in judgment leading to a demolition of trust, values and a sense of self-worth. How quickly the skies turn grey right when the glaring sun begins to tan. The more questions he answers the clearer things seem to be, fears confirmed and insecurities reaffirmed. Inside, he will always be hanging from a thread with his heart’s iron ready to remind him at the slightest provocation and outside, the ever looming threat of forever wallowing in self-pity. Even with radar, they lose their way completely, what of the flight without?

Wading through the earth with thoughts of tomorrow, souls ravaged yesterday and an unsettling present day the man is only a man. The struggle is real! Doors have to close and new ones opened. But does he need to reopen some as well? A true test of his wisdom will lie there in. Making the choice that takes him to the next level, the next checkpoint on the highway; the highway to the prize. Whether right or wrong, there must be progress. For progress, there must be sacrifice. The price? To hell with the price, life is short and he and every living soul is on a journey with ups and downs, ins and outs. Keep it moving, behind, forward, left, right, whatever way there must be progress. He can’t answer all the questions and neither can you. But we can all keep it moving, keep life interesting and inch ever closer to the ultimate prize.

The question elicits the answer. Which one are you asking?

The Folly of Inappropriate Responses

By now it’s all over, or is it? He woke up at 5 am optimistic of turning over a new leaf but gets confused, his brain cannot process just how quickly the sound of the alarm came. A minute passes and a familiar sound reaches the deeper echelons of his myopic brain. Stretching out his arm, disabling this noisy and intrusive contraption. It will be another hour before a familiar time checks in, 6 am but the snoozing continues well into and beyond the hour. Its 7:17, oh crap! Thoughts of his contractual agreement with the office wade up from the depths of his wits. Springing from the magical pad that makes his slumber to die for and into a frenzied rush to get ready for Mr. Money bag’s duties. Like lightning, 7:31 finds him locking the door to his bachelor pad albeit grudgingly as he looks back at the ever inviting unattended 6 by 6 duvet he leaves behind.

Hopping into the first moving metal contraption and off he goes. Never mind the traffic, he’s already late anyway. Everyone smells so good this morning but no one is smiling. You would think we all have the same issue to deal with. All the yeses turning into feuds and disappointments in the blink of an eye. How did it all come to this? Once timid and soft spoken, now with the ability to feature prominently in their most vivid thoughts; well, sometime at least. Even the most gruesome of acts are committed by the very carriers of precious memories. Focus is off, attending to one simple act of professional process before retreating into a shell, one that oozes dissatisfaction, discomfort and an innate lust for a profound alteration. Time heals all wounds. But what if there is no wound? What’s the cure for discomfort, dissatisfaction? All his actions seem to elicit more and more disillusion on his part and create more foes as it were. There, there, it’s never that serious they say. Just bend over n let your thoughts, feelings and emotions meritoriously bludgeon you 6 ways (he has to watch his English).

Something’s got to give sometime…is this a characteristic example of it’s only a matter of when n not if? Slowly the day goes into overdrive, routine at is best. Forgetting these internal wars for the day. Evening will come and the battle lines drawn. No peace keeping force in sight, the destruction is real. The land is bleeding. The armies are ever growing in strength and stature. The only source of optimism is a light coming from the peep hole; the land will heal. But first, the war must stop. When? As soon as there is balance, good habits, appropriate responses and a clear and undeniable focus. Then and only then!

If you have no answer, don’t say yes!

The Unapproachable Soul

The unapproachable soul, strong physique tough outer shell, keeping all at bay. Faceless with no facial expressions and a less than obvious body language; is he mad, sad or is he just numb? Deep inside, he has no spine, weakened by a definitive lack of peace and tranquility. It’s a war zone in there with no cease fire in sight

How to put words in perspective? A young boy growing up as the baby of the lot. Growing up was not an option, coming hurriedly than normal; no space to enjoy infancy; a skipped stage in the human life cycle. In class, the last born tag maintained, sitting in with much older mates. No time to walk, run or get left behind. A bombardment of emotions, experiences, cultures and perceptions from the older folk with a lesser capacity to process. How then does he fair in this tumultuous space? He walks in silence, retreating and obscuring his own feelings and emotions with a rigid demeanor of composure and balance. Nothing comes in and just the same, nothing comes out. A human volcano…will he erupt?

In due course becoming Mr. Chief Advisor by virtue of experience having journeyed many a path at the expense of his own. The unapproachable tag soon fades once an inviting smile brightens up the inexpressive face, followed in smooth transition by a listening ear and a genuine interest. The clock ticks away and they feel comfortable and safe; they trust him enough to tell him their stories; they give him their lives! His rigid barricade begins to falter, their emotions, dreams, fears; their lives begin to sip through adding to the already disquieting atmosphere within. A release would be ideal but none is forthcoming. Late nights and throughout the sun’s gaze, the unending banter presents more battles for him to fight.

What next? The surrounding influences become him, his sense of right and wrong become his confidants’; he becomes them. But no one lives in another; multiple personalities operationalized from a single source…laughable at the least but it happens more than the ordinary self-righteous judgmental would like to admit. The result? A chameleon soul adapting to what the situation presents having fed on all manner of stimuli from all manner of sources ever on the prowl like a predator lying in wait ready to pounce with lethal precision albeit when the focus is maintained. Mistake are abound in all situations.

The end…his end is imminent but how will it end? Will he end? Disappear in the miasma of indecisiveness crowded out by everyone else’s baggage? Will he sprout and wield the iron fist and continue his plunder of fellow souls? Or will his enough be enough to release the unrelenting pressure on his own soul that ushers in peace surpassing all that is deemed serene?

The greatest responsibility you have towards yourself is to be yourself.

Look Back to Move Froward

Looking back, I can’t help but wonder where I lost it…I have always been popular, I might say, not for being a conformist but as they say when referring to weird people…different! I’ve never thought consciously about it because it never was a constant issue.

In life, phases come n go, inclinations to be someone else other than yourself is always inevitable whether sober or under the influence of external forces whether dark or otherwise. If a thought is consistent, then the urge to either do something about it or give in and subject you to untold emotional suffering is that much more imminent.

I never had the courage to do certain things but things seemed to turn around with time…hidden behind a mask of masculinity and supremacy that kept me in a state of content with myself and a reasonable amount of respect from peers. Fitting in was never really the issue despite all pressures or el e ad probably be dead by now, following in the footsteps of fellow peers whose crime was to fail to appreciate the intricacies of life and what different situations it presents all of mankind at different times in our lives.

There’s always a way all you need is to have the right perspective of things. You don’t need to understand everything…no one does…and time will take care of the rest. The fear of the unknown drives us to do many things both constructive and otherwise, but the unknown sums up what humanity is all about.

Keep the faith.

Life

Life! Some consider it a precious gift, others an entitlement among other things. It has so many facets that need to be observed for anyone to fully enjoy their life as an individual and also enjoy the lives of others.

There are many individuals in the world, many are the times when we are bombarded by debate after debate about the sanctity of life, when life begins or when life should end. Everyone seems to have an opinion on all these things and at the same time, have supporters, and even in some cases fanatical ones at that.

These arguments are based on rights and not responsibilities. Before the 1980s rights were more or less non-existent in the African context especially. People were forcefully evicted from their homes, beaten and maimed, deprived of their freedom and even forced into situations that only benefited a handful of people. It is during these times that people were more relentless in their resolve to achieve, focused in uniting together for the greater good of not just themselves, but generations to come. The arguments for this kind of approach to life were clear and indisputable as captured in the words of our national anthem-“Ee, ndio wajibu wetu”

With the advent of more highlights on rights, the focus on responsibilities seems to have taken a back seat. There are more unethical practices leading to squandering of public resources, more court cases, more relationships breaking apart, the family unit is continuously being eroded and the rich keep getting richer while the poor continue to wallow in poverty simply because u n I have decided that we are not responsible for anyone other than ourselves.

Let’s think for a moment, consider a scenario where your parent decided at your tender age, that they were not responsible for you. What would have happened to you? Would you be where you are today? Would you have what u have today?

Take another example. Right now in your life, whether u accept it or not u play a number of roles; you are a friend, a son or daughter, a cousin, niece or nephew, a husband or wife, a parent, an employee or an employer including the various other groups you may be part of. Recall the number of times when you have decided not to do something you had agreed on with someone else and not communicate this to them. What was their reaction? Did they hug you and say well done for keeping them in the dark? Did they give you more activities to carry out on their behalf? Just how frustrated were they?

You have a responsibility no matter how small or insignificant you may perceive it, no mater whether others appreciate it or not, and in most cases whether no matter whether you like it or not.

In order to enjoy this precious gift that is LIFE, life demands that we be responsible to ourselves and to others!